Parenting is difficult! It can be really aggravating to merely wish to urinate alone or take a shower for more than two minutes without hearing small footsteps outside the curtain. It can also make you want to pull your hair out after telling your youngster for the millionth time to turn out the light when they leave a room.
Many parents express their irritation and anger at their children by yelling at them. It’s not necessarily because they want to, but because they can lose control when they’re overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s just easier to scream than it is to learn how to be a calmer parent.
Even if your child occasionally “acts worse” than she would have previously, those bumps don’t imply you’re doing anything wrong. When your child behaves out, she’s actually expressing feelings from the past, from times when you screamed or chastised her and she felt so alone and misunderstood. It will take additional compassion from you, but your empathetic reaction will help to heal those wounds and allow you all to go forward.
Many parents may feel bad about how they behaved before they learned how to parent peacefully. But, just as it doesn’t benefit your child, feeling awful doesn’t help you act “good.” So get rid of that guilt. After all, you’re paying the price and making apologies now by assisting your child in healing those past hurt feelings.
1. Connect with Yourself
Place your palm on your heart, and thank yourself for the wonderful job you do. Consider what you’ve already accomplished today, even tiny things like putting on a load of laundry, smiling at your child to establish a connection, preparing meals, and actually appreciating yourself; it makes a difference!
2. Take a Few Moments to sit and Observe Your Child
Spend a few minutes watching your youngster when they’re doing something they enjoy. There’s something about simply stopping, watching, and giving our whole attention to our child that reconnects us with their world and our heart connection with them. At the same time, you’re aiding in the replenishment of their love tank.
3. Listening to Them Carefully
Demonstrate that you’re paying attention. At least once today, when your child communicates his or her thoughts and feelings, reflect back to them what you’ve heard, both the thoughts and the feelings. “Ah so you were playing with your lego and your sister ran into you, breaking your small boat, how aggravating, I can see you’re really unhappy and annoyed at your sister,” for example.
4. Stay Close to Nature for Balance
Nature assists us in relaxing, slowing down, and regaining a sense of equilibrium. Spend some time outside today, looking to the horizon, up at the sky, feeling the breeze or the sun’s rays, perhaps sitting and sipping a cup of tea with your bare feet on the grass.
5. Focus on Connecting
Take a few moments to slow down and connect with your child, give them time to respond to their name, and wait until you have their attention before making your request. Then request that they explain what you’ve just heard to you.
Without connection, peaceful parenting is impossible. So, before you do anything else with your child, work on strengthening your bond. Otherwise, you’ll stop punishing your child, but he or she will still be unmotivated to “do the right thing,” and you’ll see more testing behavior.
Begin spending at least 15-20 minutes each day interacting one-on-one with each youngster, simply following his lead and showering him with affection. The contrast in his responses to your demands will astound you.
6. Expect Emotions
Assist your child in expanding his or her emotional vocabulary. Put words to what you notice and what you think they’re experiencing if your youngster reacts with grief or upset to a request you made today. “I see how you lowered your head and bowed your shoulders when I asked you to brush your teeth, and I’m wondering whether you’re frustrated that you had to stop playing?” for example.
7. Feel Free to Ask for Help
Identify one needs you to have for someone else and communicate it using an I statement that includes how you feel. “I’m very overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning that needs to be done. “Would you mind doing a load of laundry for me?” Consider asking in a way that lets the other person know how you’re feeling and encourages open dialogue.
8. Enter your Child’s World
At least once today, be foolish, silly, or goofy. When we engage in play, we enter our child’s world, gaining relief and providing relief to our child from our seriousness. When a parent enters a child’s world of play, it brightens their world and helps us parents relieve tension.
9. Apologies in the form of a Model
Expecting your child to apologize at the end of the day gives them the capacity to mend broken relationships. If you model apology for your child, he or she will learn to do the same. When your child is furious, don’t make them apologize. Rather, accept responsibility for their actions.
10. A Story can Help your Child Develop a Sense of Emotion
Using words and stories to comprehend one’s emotional existence is beneficial to all children. Just remember to sympathize rather than analyze, so she doesn’t feel invaded or scolded. Everyone is frustrated at times. We make an effort to listen and be kind to one another. Then we always mend fences between ourselves. There’s always room for greater love.”
11. Be Prepared for Setbacks
Because you’re human, you’re not perfect. Compassion for yourself, just as you do for your child, is the key to making this change. Expect some days to be quite difficult. You should expect to make mistakes. Parenting is difficult, and this type of parenting is even more difficult, to begin with.
It does become easier, though, because you’re learning new techniques that work better and retraining your brain. Even though it’s difficult, you’ll notice a change because you’re mending your child’s old wounds—and your own. Simply put, there’s less drama and more love these days.
12. Be Kind to Yourself About Your limitations
Accept and be kind to yourself when it comes to your limitations. We all deserve to be unconditionally kind to ourselves, and we can cultivate this self-love and kindness when we can soften our attitudes toward ourselves in light of our limits. When it’s the most difficult to be kind and loving to our child, it’s generally when we need to be kind to ourselves the most. When children and adults are sad or angry, they need love.
13. Make the commitment Every Morning
“For me, this type of parenting is a daily choice. Every morning, I have to make the commitment not to yell, to stay calm, to choose love, and there is something very empowering about that. I apologize to my kids when I make mistakes and slip up – I see that when they accept my apology, they feel empowered and generous of spirit, and this influences their behavior with one another – there are more kind-hearted children.”
When we choose to love, and when I hold my child in the middle of a tantrum and sincerely tell him that I understand his suffering and that I’ll help him work through it, I truly believe that something is altering deep within our hearts, and I believe that we grow closer together.”
14. Consider Irritation as a Chance to Practice Finding Peace
When you’re upset, think of it as an opportunity to practice your anger-management abilities. It turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Make a promise to yourself that you will handle this spell of frustration better than the previous. Allowing anger, impatience, and aggravation to get the best of you is a bad idea. You have choices as a wise, compassionate human being and parent. Rather than giving in to your immediate urges, try to find solutions and tranquility
15. Decide Being Happy or Being Right is More Important
Many disagreements arise from a desire to be correct. Your life will be more joyful, and you will be a more relaxed parent overall if you choose happiness above winning every heated disagreement with your children. Which do you consider to be more important?
Allowing anger, impatience, and aggravation to get the best of you is a bad idea. You have choices as a wise, compassionate human being and parent. Rather than giving in to your immediate urges, try to find solutions and tranquility.
When confronted with a circumstance that makes your blood boil, you have a number of options. It is possible to achieve serenity! Using our above tactics, you can learn to control your anger and reach a calm conclusion: